I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
