Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
