a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i out mim tonsoeep
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