Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
