I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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