i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
