I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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