New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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