I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize