i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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