Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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