Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
