just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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