Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
