honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
