So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
