Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
