I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
