Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
