I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
