i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
