In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
