Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
