Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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