it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
