Where did you get a picture of my penis
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
