Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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