It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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