Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
