you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
