Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
