I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
