make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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