There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
