so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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