Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize