i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
