How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
