This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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