I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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