This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
