if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
