i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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