Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
