remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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