At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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