Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
North Korea, Best Korea!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
