If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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