Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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