john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize