your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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