I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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