It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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