Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
