i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
