Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
