Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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