I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
