I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
