Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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