i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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