Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
