I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
