i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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