There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
