I can text with my tongue
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
