We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
