dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
