this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
