Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
