Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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