I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
