I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
