Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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