3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
