just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
