rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
