So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
