I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
