the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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